A Simple Tapping Technique To Dissolve Old Shoulds

Tapping Shoulds

Image courtesy of Sookie

Should:
Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticising someone’s actions

Are you shoulding on yourself?

Are you telling yourself all day, every day, what you should be doing (and feeling bad about what you haven’t done)?

Sometimes we have so many ‘shoulds’ it’s difficult to know what we want.

Have you noticed that even though ‘shoulds’ are supposed to be motivating, what you should do often doesn’t get done!

As the definition says a should is a rule you ‘should’ live up to, a demand you ‘should’ meet, an expectation of how you ‘should’ behave.

  • I should lose weight
  • I should be more assertive
  • I should be more patient
  • I should …

Shoulds are often intended to be motivating, to help us do what we want or what is best for us. In theory our ‘shoulds’ should help us get things done

Unfortunately they don’t usually work that way.

Three ways shoulds don’t work

On the face of it ‘shoulds’ should work, but there are three ways in which they backfire:
Read more »

EFT Café – 8th June 2016 – Tapping Into The Power Of Questions

Image courtesy of Stefan Baudy

Image courtesy of Stefan Baudy

Lots of people use affirmations to try to get from where they are now to where they want to be.

When you make an affirmation you ‘pretend’ to already have what you want, in the hope that if you imagine hard enough and long enough that you already have it your unconscious mind will somehow make it happen.

But there’s a problem with affirmations.

However much you want what you are affirming and can imagine having it, part of you knows it’s not true and resists the affirmation.

There is an easier way to point your mind to what you want, a way that doesn’t generate resistance, thrives on possibities and helps prepare you to change.

So:

  • How can you bypass resistance?
  • How can you generate possibilities?
  • How can you prepare for change?

Read more »

EFT Café – 11th May – How To Stop Shoulding On Yourself

Should:
Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions

Stop shoulding on yourself

Image courtesy of Sookie

Are you shoulding on yourself?

Are you telling yourself all day, every day, what you should be doing (and feeling bad about what you haven’t done?

Sometimes we have so many ‘shoulds’ it’s difficult to know what we want.

You may also have noticed that even though ‘shoulds’ are supposed to be motivating, what you should do often doesn’t get done!

In this month’s EFT Café Andy Hunt will demonstrate a simple method to help find and dissolve some of those ‘shoulds’ that are holding you back.

This EFT Café is on Wednesday 11th May, 2016 from 7pm to 9pm at St Oswald’s Hospice Teaching Centre, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne and costs just £10.

How can the people who annoy you help you get more from your tapping?

Tapping and Projection

Image courtesy of Jagz Mario

You may have noticed that people can be very annoying, they can do and say things that upset and disturb us.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could reduce that level of annoyance and, as a free bonus, improve our own self-acceptance?

Thanks to Carl Jung and some tapping we can do just that.

Jung suggested (that in spite of all appearances) that which annoys us doesn’t reside in the other person it resides in ourselves.

The other person isn’t doing something intrinsically annoying, we are annoying ourselves at what they are doing.

Of shadows and shoulds

He proposed that the ‘something annoying’ that people are doing illuminates parts of our disowned self, our ‘Shadow’, the parts of ourselves that we can not accept or even acknowledge.

As we grow up we adopt the values and ‘rules’ of our family of origin. These rules (our shoulds) told us what was, or was not, acceptable and how we should behave. As children we absorbed and internalised those rules and expectations. The urge to break those rules had to be suppressed to please and appease those who looked after us.

Now, as adults, thoughts or impulses to ‘break’ those internalised rules are uncomfortable to us, they go against our family and cultural programming. Read more »

EFT Café – 13th April 2016 – Undoing The Distress Of Projection Using EFT

Image courtesy of Nina Matthews Photography

Image courtesy of Nina Matthews Photography

All around us people are being annoying, they do and say things that upset and disturb us.

Carl Jung suggested that, in spite of appearances, that which annoys us doesn’t reside the other person it resides in ourselves.

He suggested that the people that annoy us represent for us parts of our disowned self, our Shadow, the parts of ourselves that we dare not acknowledge or accept.

To protect ourselves we project those unwelcome aspects of ourselves onto others. ‘They’ are the ones who are rude, loud, critical, etc. If we notice those qualities in them we don’t have to pay attention to our own inclinations to be rude, loud, critical, etc.

Unfortunately being annoyed or upset is uncomfortable for us and there are so many people and so many opportunities for us to project and be distressed. What would it be like if we could undo the triggers that cause the distress and allow us to accept more of ourselves.

In this month’s EFT Café , Andy Hunt will demonstrate how to combine the concept of projection with tapping to lower our annoyance with others and to start to accept parts of our Shadow.

This EFT Café is on Wednesday 13th April, 2016 from 7pm to 9pm at St Oswald’s Hospice Teaching Centre, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne and costs just £10.

EFT Café – 9th March 2016 – Tapping Out Of Our Resistance To Change

Image courtesy of Steven Snodgrass

Image courtesy of Steven Snodgrass

Changing who we are and what we do can be a challenge.

It be difficult to do the work we have to do to make those changes: eat differently, exercise more, learn more and so on.

​To make things more difficult we often have the difficulty of working against our own resistance to making those changes.

After 25 years of research into the challenges of changing health behaviours including smoking, overeating, under-exercising and drug use, Prochaska & DiClemente developed the Stages of Change model which describes the particular difficulties in the different stages of making changes in our lives.

In this month’s EFT Cafe we will explore using the Stages Of Change model to give us ways of uncovering some of the hidden resistance to making changes and thereby making it tappable.

This EFT Café is on Wednesday 9th March, 2016 from 7pm to 9pm at St Oswald’s Hospice Teaching Centre, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne and costs just £10.

EFT Café – 10th February 2016 – Meta Tapping: Releasing The Problem With The Problem

Meta Tapping

Image courtesy of Chris Potter

We all have challenging situations (AKA problems) to deal with.

We may get stuck, angry or defeated with the difficulties in our lives.

Feeling stuck with a situation or angry about what someone has done, or defeated by the failure of a project, are the most obvious signs that something is wrong.

But it’s more complicated than that because we may also have a problem with the problem. Humans like to have thoughts and feelings about their feelings.

Our thoughts and feelings about a problem may add to our troubles.

We could be angry about being stuck, guilty about being angry or resigned to feeling defeated.

These thoughts & feelings about the problem, sometimes called ‘meta-states’, can be the unseen glue that helps hold the problem in place and makes it difficult to change how think, feel and act in that situation.

In this month’s EFT Café – “Meta Tapping: Releasing The Problem With The Problem” Andy Hunt will demonstrate a new tapping technique to soften the problem with the problem which makes it much easier to tackle the original problem with standard tapping techniques.

This EFT Café is on Wednesday 10th February, 2016 from 7pm to 9pm at St Oswald’s Hospice Teaching Centre, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne and costs just £10.