Identity Healing – Are Your Younger Selves Suffering?

Younger self

Image courtesy of Emily

If you look at your passport or your driving license you can see your name and your photo. Even if the photo is bad you can tell that it is you.

You appear to be just one person. But is that true?

On the outside you may project an image of calm, capability, or one of the other ways we like to present ourselves to the world. Behind the eyes and beneath the skin it can be a different story.

Have you ever said or heard someone else say?

  • I am not good enough
  • There is something wrong with me
  • I can’t forgive myself
  • Nobody loves me
  • I hate myself

Each of these statements is about an ‘I’,’me’ or ‘myself’. They speak about our identity, who we are.

Beneath what we hope are our socially acceptable exteriors there may be parts of ourselves that are not happy.

These parts: the ‘I’ in “I’m not good enough”, the ‘me’ in “Nobody loves me” and the ‘I’ and ‘myself’ in “I hate myself” are sometimes known as sub-personalities. Sub-personalities are parts of our inner selves that step up and wear the mask of our outer selves.

These parts of ourselves are usually suffering.

The ‘I’ in I’m not good enough is not having a good time.

The ‘me’ in “Nobody loves me” feels distress.

The ‘I’ and ‘myself’ in “I hate myself” are both feeling stressed.

These parts of ourselves are often formed in childhood at times of stress. They carry what they felt, thought and did at that time through life in a capsule of that stress and distress.

You may also remember times when it felt as if a younger part of yourself took control of your adult self. It’s as if you had been hijacked by a terrified child or angry teenager. If you’ve had this experience you have felt the presence of a sub-personality.

It’s bad enough that we can carry these pockets of stress and distress within ourselves, but it gets worse.

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Spring ChangeCamp 2015 – March 28th – Newcastle

Spring ChangeCamp 2015It’s nearly time for the Spring ChangeCamp 2015 on Saturday March 28th in Newcastle.

So far there are 14 presentations for you to choose from at the Spring ChangeCamp 2015 – a mixture of familiar faces and new presenters to ChangeCamp.

Clicking on the links will take you to information about the presentation and the presenters.

An Early Bird fee of £15 applies if you book online before Saturday 14th March, thereafter the full fee for the ChangeCamp event is £25.

A concessionary fee of £10 is available for students and the unwaged.

ChangeCamp has become a very popular event, there are 90 places available for this event, so book on-line to secure your place and prevent disappointment.

Online bookings close on Wednesday 23nd or when the event is fully booked.

If want to know how it all works visit information for ChangeCamp participants.

I hope to see you there.

EFT Café – March 11th, 2015 – Tapping Down Memory Lane

Memories

Image courtesy of Julie ann Johnson

One of the most powerful uses of EFT is as a method for taking the pain out of old memories.

In an EFT Level 1 training I show people how to use the Movie Technique to soften old memories. It’s a great technique but there is often more to difficult memories than meets the (inner) eye.

In this EFT Café we will explore subtle aspects of difficult memories and use that information to make clearing out old memories easier and more complete.

Note: We’ll be practising some approaches to work with unpleasant memories so you will need to bring some with you. Not very bad ones, just memories that you would prefer to remember without stress or distress. Please bring a few of those with you so we have some raw material to work with.

The EFT Café is on Wednesday March 11th from 7pm to 9pm at St Oswald’s Hospice Teaching Centre, Gosforth, Newcastle.

How to use EFT to get beyond “I’m right and you’re wrong”

I'm right and you're wrong

Image courtesy of jon collier

When I was a teenager I always wanted to be right and for everyone to know that I was right.

I would argue my point of view ‘seven ways till Sunday’ to prove that I was right and even if it didn’t start as an argument it frequently became one.

Now when I look back on it I see an anxious teenager desperate to be taken seriously. Back then, I put a lot of effort into what must have been very tiresome for everyone I was attempting to prove ‘wrong’.

I like to think that I am over that teenage phase but from time to time I seem to find myself needing to be right.

Of course if you need to be right the other person needs to be wrong, you can’t both be right.

If you have ever been treated as the person who is wrong then you’ll know that it’s not a fun position to be in. Your own needs to be heard and respected can be pushed to one side.

If I need to be right then it can cause a lot of stress and lead to conflict. From the point of view of the person who thinks they are right:

  • If I am right then the other person is wrong.
  • If they disagree with my point of view then I need to defend it, to make stronger arguments, speak more forcefully to convince them.
  • If they still disagree then their point of view becomes an assault on me and what I hold dear. The other person is not only wrong they are hostile towards me. They are obviously both stupid and bad and must be defeated.

For the other person, the one who is ‘in the wrong’ it’s even worse. They might think like this:

  • There they go again, they only think that they are right, but I know that they are wrong and that I am right!
  • When I tell them what they think is the ‘wrong’ side of the story they get defensive, arguing their side more loudly and more forcibly. They are trying to bully me into agreeing with them, but, in fact, I am right and they are wrong (not that they would ever admit it).
  • They can’t handle the truth, every attempt I make to show them that I am right, and they are wrong, makes them more aggressive and intransigent. They are obviously both stupid and bad and must be defeated.

On a personal level this kind of thing is not good for our relationships. On a political and geopolitical scale this escalation can have terrible consequences.

Even though I thought I’d mostly given up the “I need to be right” attitude, it still crops up from time to time (I have it on good authority that it is because I am a man!). It’s depressing and distressing to find how easily I can slip into the destructive ping-pong game of I’m right and you’re wrong.

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Do I really give therapy a bad name?

I recently found this comment by a guy called Robert Smyth posted on one of my webpages. If you read it, you will probably realise that it didn’t really fit with how I saw myself.

I thought I’d write a short answer to each of his criticisms, but it turned out to be a longer reply than I had expected.

Here’s what he said:

It’s guys like this who get therapy a bad name. There is no mention on his website of his being registered with one of the main UK accrediting body – either BACP or UKCP. Perhaps more concerning is that there is no indication on his website of the extent of his training, e.g., EFT can be learnt in a weekend, and NLP in a few months. A counselling training takes at least three years and a psychotherapy training at least four years. While he mentions that he received a counselling training it is unlikely that this would count if he were to apply to be accredited because of when he did this. Other aspects of his website are also concerning. For instance, why promote the work of someone else. If the reader did not look closely enough she could easily be mis-led into think that this was written by the website author. Also, it does not appear that he has enough experience to be presenting himself an expert on therapy which a video and self-publications indicate. Any publication that is not peer reveiwed and/or pubished by a reputative journal or publisher is highly suspect. In addition, on what basis is he setting himself up as an institute. It is clear that he does have enough experience to do this. Finally, it appears that there is more ego here than anything else, and that he wants to promote himself as a money making business. If you are a potential client reading this I strongly suggest that you go to the BACP or UKCP website to search for a therapist. BACP, for instance, have good guidelines which help people find a suitable counsellor or psychotherapist.

Obviously it’s not what I want people to be saying about me but I thought it would be worth addressing some of the questions he raises.

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Training – Special Offer Just For ‘Tappers’ Who Want To Heal The ‘Inner Child’

Identity Healing

Image courtesy of Divya Vibha Sharma

As you may know I’ve been developing a collection of processes I call Identity Healing since 2010 as a way of working with entrenched patterns of emotion and behaviour that are often installed during childhood.

These patterns are like younger versions of ourselves that come to the fore in stressful situations. If you’ve been in a challenging situation and felt as if you were a helpless child again then you know what this is like.

These younger parts of ourselves, sometimes called sub-personalities, usually formed in stressful childhood situations, are responsible for a lot of our unresourceful emotional responses and patterns of behaviour, even when we are trying hard to be a capable adult.

In standard EFT you would work with these patterns by looking for the memories of when they were formed, then neutralising them with tapping.

Since these patterns are often formed at a very early age it can be difficult to identify and process the relevant memories.

The Identity Healing processes sidestep that problem by working directly with the sub-personality that is trapped in this pattern. You don’t need to identify or work with the memories, everything that needs soothing and changing is easily available and amenable to tapping.

When I started working on these processes I was cautiously hopeful that they would be effective for healing these kind of hard to work with issues, they turned out to be much more powerful and helpful than I had imagined.

I have used this process with many clients to resolve chronic patterns of thought / feeling and behaviour that I would have found difficult to process using standard EFT approaches.

My clients have found that what used to be almost intolerably difficult situations and responses have changed completely. Katie’s story is a short but representative example of someone shifting from a ‘frightened child state’ to become a more resourceful adult.

It’s taken a long time for me to be confident enough about the effectiveness and safety of the process to want to train other people in the process.

The first training was last September, the next is in less than two weeks in Newcastle upon Tyne.

The few EFT Practitioners (so far) that I have trained in this method have also reported dramatic shifts in their clients

“I have found Andy Hunt’s training in Identity Healing a highly valuable, inspiring and enlightening learning experience, delivered by Andy with integrity, compassion, wisdom and gentle humour.

Having used this process with many clients since completing the course a few weeks ago, I am very impressed with the simplicity, elegance and effectiveness of Identity Healing approach, even with the most complex and challenging issues. I saw some surprising and significant shifts for a number of people with whom we had achieved only limited progress in previous weeks and months using psychotherapy, classic EFT, EMDR and Matrix Reimprinting.

I found Identity Healing especially useful with clients who are burdened by shame and guilt and are struggling to feel any compassion for themselves, and for those in a chronic state of self-sabotage or stuckness.”

Masha Bennett, Psychotherapist

Naturally, I want to get this process out into the world where it can do some good, but if you’ve ever tried to get something new off the ground that’s a challenge.

So far, few people have heard of it or experienced it and they only have my word for it that it’s worth using. So it can be a bit of a challenge filling training places at the start of a process’s career.

Which brings me to the purpose of this email.

There are still some places available on the next Identity Healing training on February 7th & 8th in Newcastle upon Tyne and I’d like fill the available places to give the best experience possible to the trainees and to have more good people out in the world using these techniques for themselves and their clients.

So if you are interested in learning this powerful tapping technique and since you are a reader of my newsletter I’d like to offer you a special deal.

If you sign up for the training using this link you can sign up and bring a friend for free (which is equivalent to £85 each for a full weekend’s training).

Remember this is an advanced and experiential training so both of you must have attended an EFT Level 2 training or above.

I realise this is very short notice and you may have to travel to Newcastle upon Tyne, but I will do what I can to facilitate your travel, training and accommodation.

Thanks for taking the time to read this far, if this training is the right thing for you I look forward to seeing you there.

Use this contact form if you need any more information.

 

The 1% Solution: an easy way to make big changes

Image courtesy of Richie Diesterheft

Image courtesy of Richie Diesterheft

If you are suffering from stress, anxiety, frustrations and limitations you probably want that to change, to change quickly and to change completely. The more intense the distress the more urgent the need to change feels.

So it’s not surprising that lots of advertising in the self-development / self-help world claims to “halve your stress”, “double your happiness”, “clear your limitations” within hours or days if you just buy their product or services.

But, what if you could easily make those kinds of changes by slowing down and doing less?

It may seem unlikely, but making tiny changes over time can make huge differences in your life.
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