“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so”
- Hamlet, W. Shakespeare

Recently I took part in a conversation on a LinkedIn forum for EFT Practitioners. The thread discussion was started by the question -” I am just curious, what everyone does for themselves to protect their energy or clear themselves before and after a session?”.

There were lots of different answers to this question. All sorts of suggestions were put forward involving “energy protection”, herbal remedies, cleansing rituals, invocations and “divine” protections of one sort or another.

I was intrigued by the question because, although I use EFT, I don’t think of client sessions in terms of good or bad energy.

In my opinion the idea that clients have positive or negative energy that you have to protect yourself from has a lot of drawbacks.

From the original question and some of the answers, I think you can distill out the following underlying presuppositions for this way of thinking:

• There is negative and positive energy.
• Therapists work with these energies that the client brings.
• Negative energy is bad (for them and for you).
• Positive energy is good (for them and for you).
• Clients can leak negative energy which gets on to you and must be protected against.

From some of the answers you might think that the client was slopping negative energy around like poison from a bucket, which is what the therapists need to be protected from.

Let’s imagine that you are a client of a therapist who is operating from this point of view.

After a few minutes of working with this therapist you begin to get the sense that you are making them uneasy in some way. It’s as if they act like you are contaminated with something that they really don’t want to have anything to do with.

This could all be going on at an unconscious level for both of you. You might just have the feeling that there is something wrong without knowing why.

How would that make you feel?

If it was me, I would start to worry that there was something else that was wrong with me. Since people often come to therapy because they think there is something intrinsically wrong with them, having that confirmed at an (un)conscious level is probably not going to be very helpful to the progress of the therapy.

It gets worse.

Many clients often work hard to protect their therapists from their “bad” stuff. So as a client I might have to start monitoring what I was sharing so as not to alarm or upset the therapist.

From this therapist’s point of view they might feel they need protection from this client, or their negative energy is going to go all over them and be harmful to them.

Now you have two people in a mutually defensive posture that they may not even be aware of.

Does this sound like a recipe for success?

What’s an alternative?

This is my working hypothesis about therapy:

The client has experiences, feelings, thoughts and behaviours that are unhelpful to him or her. They are not “negative” or “positive” in any metaphysical sense, just unhelpful to them and those around them.

This constellation of experience, feelings, behaviours and thoughts belongs to them. They are unique to that individual. While their effects can be felt by those around them, that constellation belongs to the client.

Likewise, as a therapist I have experiences, thoughts, ideas, feelings, behaviours that belong to me.

In an ideal world I can be present to the client with all their stuff, however difficult it may be.

In an ideal world I’m not afraid of anything that they bring and I recognise that it is all theirs.

“I realise there’s something I do before I start a session. I let myself know that I am enough. Not perfect. Perfect wouldn’t be enough. But that I am human, and that is enough. There is nothing that this man can say or do or feel that I can’t feel in myself. I can be with him. I am enough”
- Carl Rogers

It’s not an ideal world.

In the real world, parts of their stuff may trigger parts of my stuff.

However, I recognise that my reaction to their stuff belongs to me not them. Afterwards I do work to dismantle those unhelpful reactions in me (this is why ongoing self-development and clinical supervision is so important for therapists).

From my client’s point of view I hope they sense:

1. That I accept them and their distress fully. I may not like it, but I’m not afraid of it or them.
2. That they can go wherever they need to go to get the results they want. They don’t have to look after me because I am not scared of what they bring. (This is not to dismiss realistic precautions for you and your clients physical safety – some clients can do scary, dangerous things)

From this perspective I don’t feel under threat and I don’t have to be scared of my clients inner world.

So is your client poisoning you? No I don’t think so.

This month’s EFT Café will be about the Stepping Stones process, a six step procedure that takes you from a current problem to a future outcome using EFT and NLP techniques.

It can be used with small, medium and large problems to give a route out of the problem and into a more useful outcome.

This process will be a useful addition to your tapping repetoire if:

• You don’t know where to start when working with problems.
• You know how to soften a problem but are not sure where to go next
• You want a reliable step by step problem solving protocol to follow.

The stepping stone process is based on an NLP based strategy I developed back in 2007 called Stress Relief In Six Paragraphs. Adding EFT to this process allows us to clear out the emotional charge from the problem and reduce the blocks to achieving the desired outcome.

The Stepping Stones process is designed to put the problem firmly in the past and clear the way to achieving the desired outcome.

This EFT Café will be suitable for anyone with some experience of EFT who wants to use EFT for coaching others or self-coaching. If you are a Level 2 Practitioner of EFT then the EFT Cafe qualifies as 2 hours of CPD.

Tea or coffee (you choose) will be provided.

This EFT Café will be on Wednesday February 8th from 7-9pm at St Oswald’s Hospice, Gosforth Newcastle upon Tyne. It costs just £10

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes.

Charles R Swindol

I saw this quote on a website and took a liking to it. I think it’s a good quote, but the important sentence is almost at the end.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it

That’s the best bit, but even that needs a tweak in my opinion.

Here’s my version:

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I respond to it

What! It’s just one word. What’s the difference?

In my opinion it’s a world of difference: a reaction is something that you do automatically, a response is something you have a choice in.

If I put my hand on a hot stove I will unconsciously pull my hand away, I don’t think about it, I don’t have to think about it.

If my partner, neighbour or colleague complains to me about something I can react without thinking. These reactions may not help the situation.

Or, I can respond to what they are saying, choosing how to be in the world. This may or may not help the situation but at least I won’t be a repeat of my last reaction (or the one before that).

If you want to change a knee jerk reaction (notice it’s not called a knee jerk response) then, at the very least, you need to notice that it’s happening and take responsibility for it. How you change the response depends on the situation you are dealing with and the tools you have at your disposal.

The part that everyone can do, and needs to do, it to own the reaction and look for a more useful response.

For more on this you might like to read Stop Trying To Change The World

Image courtesy of TheFutureIsUnwritten

The EFT Level 1+ is a two-day training showing you how to use of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to give you a simple and versatile way of making a difference in your emotional life.

Do you often feel anxious or stressed?
Sometimes anxiety or other negative emotions can really interfere with your life stopping you from doing the kinds of things you’d really like to. After this course you’ll have a simple method for substantially reducing the negative emotions in your life and giving you much more freedom

Are you a hostage to the past?
Are you haunted by the past, bothered by old unpleasant memories. When you finish this course you’ll be able to neutralise old unhelpful memories and break free of the past.

Do you suffer from physical symptoms or pain?
Sometimes physical symptoms, especially pain, can make life quite unpleasant. At the end of this course you will have a way of relieving symptoms and feeling comfortably relaxed.

Having trouble giving up things that are bad for you?
Chocolate, cigarettes, nail-biting and other compulsive habits can be very frustrating, sometimes willpower alone is just not enough. After this course you will have a way to reduce or even eliminate those compulsions so that you may not need any willpower to make those changes.

Where, When and How Much?

10am to 5pm on March 3rd & 4th, 2012 at St Oswald’s Hospice Teaching Centre, Gosforth, Newcastle upon Tyne.

The first four people to apply will receive a special price of just £95 for the two days.

Thereafter the Early Bird fee will be £125 until February 3rd, then the full fee of £145 will apply

Anyone with an existing AAMET EFT Level 1 certificate can attend this course as a refresher for just £30, if you have previously trained with Practical Wellbeing you can attend for just £20. (Contact me directly if that applies to you)

There are many ways to neutralise limiting beliefs quickly and easily with EFT or other techniques.

Unfortunately our limiting beliefs are often unconscious and unquestioned, a part of the fabric of our perceptions, which makes them hard to find.

Other people’s limiting beliefs can be easy to spot because we are on the outside looking in, but our own remain hidden. That’s why there will always be work for good therapists and coaches.

But what are we going to do if there isn’t a therapist or coach available?

Are we doomed to wander ignorant of our own limiting beliefs because we can’t see them?

Fortunately, there is a simple way to bring lots of limiting beliefs into consciousness using just one word.

It’s a simple word, readily available and deeply familiar …

Because

Because is a special word because when it appears in a sentence it is usually followed by a reason.

• I can’t go out tonight because I am washing my hair
• I can’t start a new business now because the economy is on its knees.
• I can’t change jobs because I am too old.

Each time you hear “because” you are going to hear a reason for the statement that comes just before it.

We can use the power of because to bring our “reasons” out into the open.

Before describing how to use because for this, it is worth acknowledging that there are two kinds of reasons that could be uncovered:

Facts are descriptions of reality

I am cold because it is snowing

It is snowing is a description of the environment, people are often cold if it snowing. That’s not a limiting belief that’s a result of our external reality.

Beliefs are descriptions of our ideas about external reality (often confused with facts)

I am alone because nobody wants me

“Nobody wants me” is not a description of reality (even though it may be confused with one). It is a belief, an idea about reality.

The word nobody is a give away. There are more than 6,000,000,000 people on the planet (that’s a lot). It is impossible to know whether one of those six billion people would be interested in them. In a whole lifetime it would not be possible to meet even a tiny fraction of those people to find out. Nevertheless, for this person it may be a convincing idea about reality.

Is a reason a fact or a belief?

Sometimes, it can be difficult to decide if a reason is a fact or a belief. Fortunately there is a simple test: treat it as a belief and work with it. If it is a fact it probably won’t change, if it is a belief it probably will.

So how can we use because to expose our limiting beliefs?

1. Choose a problem

If you are going to uncover limiting beliefs you need a predicament to work with. If limiting beliefs cause difficulties for us which difficulty are we going to investigate.

• I can’t start a new business
• I am alone
• I can’t make enough money
• Our relationship is struggling
• …

So what is going on in your world that you suspect may be a result of limiting beliefs?

2. Harvest all the possible reasons

Write down a sentence that briefly describes the problem followed by the word because

• I can’t start a new business because …
• I am alone because …
• I can’t make enough money because …
• My relationship is struggling because …
• [problem ] because …

Now say your “because” sentence out loud, then write down whatever comes into your head that completes the sentence. Write as fast as you can and without judgement.

Say the “because” sentence again and write down whatever comes into your head this time as fast as you can and without judgements.

Repeat this process as many times as you can, until you run out of sentences, either because you have the feeling that the well has run dry, or you find you are repeating yourself.

Important: It is essential that you put your judging mind to one side for this process. The aim here is to get as many reasons as possible, so don’t evaluate your reasons at this point. Go as quickly as you can – this allows the information to float up from your unconscious without being blocked by the analytical mind.

3. Pick the wheat from the chaff

Now we have a list of reasons we can sort through at our leisure and identify which of the reasons are limiting beliefs and which are just the random chatter of the mind.

Work through your list of because sentences, saying each out loud.

Give the reason a truth score from 0-10 where 0 is false and 10 is true (this is how true it feels, not how true it is logically).

Repeat this process for each of the reasons until you have a list of reasons that have some emotional charge.

Now you have a list of reasons (limiting beliefs) that can be worked on with EFT or whatever belief change method you would like to choose.

How many beliefs can I expect to find?
You could find just one or two beliefs, or you could find 10 or more.

If you do find a lot of limiting beliefs don’t despair, things might not be as bad as they seem.

• At least you know what to work on: This is big a step forward from having a problem and not knowing what to do with it.
• The beliefs you uncover are probably related: This is good news, if you make a dent in a big limiting belief there is a strong chance that the other beliefs will be softened automatically. You might only have to work through a few of them systematically to get big reductions in the others.

However many beliefs you find, all you need to do now is change them!

P.S. Two quick and easy EFT based belief change mechanisms are The Belief Flip and Exception Tapping

When you use the discount code: LULUBOOKUK305 to buy one or more the Getting Out Of Your Own Way paperback book they will give you a 25% discount.

Click HERE to order the book and save 25%.

This discount expires on January 31st 2012.

This is the time of year in the UK when many self-employed people start to experience that heady mixture of anxiety and procrastination that develops when the January 31st deadline for our tax return looms.

In the past I have procrastinated, sweated and rushed to get everything together and submitted by the deadline date. One year I managed to submit the tax return on the evening of the last day. Ouch!

Happily, I’ve been getting better at it over the years. This year I decided to use the Getting Out Of Your Own Way process to take care of my limiting beliefs and responses to this necessary task. It says a lot about my level of resistance that I resisted taking care of this resistance for so long.

Finally, over the Christmas holiday (I know how to have a good time) I ran through the process and nailed quite a few limiting beliefs and responses about getting my accounts done in good time. I even felt like I wanted to get started right away.

When I got home after the holiday, the feeling of getting started right away seemed to have disappeared. I looked at the bulging file of receipts and bank statements still to be processed sitting in their folder and thought that I really should get down to the business of working my way through them, but did nothing.

Eventually, I became curious about what was happening with my resistance to doing this chore. I decided to do a little experiment.

I put the folder brimming with papers on the table and printed out a copy of the tapping worksheet. The tapping worksheet is a method I use for breaking down a problem into its component triggers to make tapping easier.

Briefly, you name the problematic situation giving it a 0-10 score, then complete sections on what you think about the situation, what you see, hear and feel, what you tell yourself about it and what the situation reminds you of. This breaks down the situation into tap-able aspects. You can read about the tapping worksheet in A Patterdale Terrier’s Guide To Stress Relief and download a copy from the resources section of my website.

I worked through each section of the tapping worksheet and found a couple of negative responses that I had to this task.

The main one was: “I hate this!” (scoring 8 out of 10).

I tapped out the “I hate this” with just a few rounds of EFT. Then I went back to check on all the other parts of the worksheet, every other unhelpful response had disappeared!

I immediately started working on the file and spent the next two hours sorting and checking receipts and bank statements without difficulty.

Did the task that I hated suddenly become fun and enjoyable? Sadly not, it’s still a chore (I’d never be a good accountant) but it’s stopped being a problem or something to avoid.

Is this the magical end of procrastination? I doubt it. I think procrastination and self-sabotage are usually quite a complicated mix of beliefs and responses, but I do think I have uncovered an important part of my task aversion towards this particular chore.

Now I’m going to investigate how many other tasks I’m slow to complete because “I hate them”.

You might like to see if the “I hate X” is stopping you from doing what you need to do.

P.S. I’m still working my way through the various remaining accounting tasks without problem or resistance.

Early Bird Discount

If you book before January 6th 13th, the workshops will cost just £60 for the whole day or £35 for a morning or afternoon workshop. Thereafter the full fee will apply, so don’t miss out on the discount

Full Fee

The cost of the workshops are £75 for the whole day or £45 for a morning or afternoon session.

Each workshop has a maximum of 16 places so you need to book early to avoid disappointment.

Don’t miss out on the discounts. Register now to secure your place.

The presentation gives a step by step explanation of the process with examples to help you understand the pattern.

Note: I apologise for the hoarse quality of my voice, it wasn’t a technical problem, I had a cold at the time I recorded it.

You can download a pdf version of The Belief Flip by clicking the link.

You can download Getting Out Of Your Own Way - Preview - Chapters 1-6 mentioned at the end of the presentation can be found by clicking the link.

ChangeCamp+Plus gives you an opportunity to have a deeper experience of the kind of work ChangeCamp presenters do at an affordable price.

There are six presentations, three in the morning and three in the afternoon running concurrently on a variety of topics by ChangeCamp presenters.

Each ChangeCamp+Plus workshop is three hours long. That’s a lot of time to learn and explore a particular process or technique in depth.

The workshopsare a mix appropriate for personal development or professional development with CPD certificates provided.

• How To Develop Compassionate Self Acceptance with Andy Hunt
• Mindfulness with Iain MacKenzie
• Brief Grief Therapy with Harry Knox
• Gestalt Theory And Practice: Experiential Workshop with Iain MacKenzie
• From Problem To Solution Using EFT with Andy Hunt
• Personal And Therapeutic Toolbox with Rob McGinley