Dismantle The Problem

We often think of problems as ’things’, but in reality they are sequences of feelings, thoughts and behaviours that cause us, or others, distress.

When we run sequences of feelings, thoughts and behaviours that give us the results we want it’s called a skill, and we maybe asked “How do you do that?”

When we run other sequences of feelings, thoughts and behaviours that give us results we don’t want, it’s called a problem, and we try to change it.

Rather than trying to tackle the problem as a ’thing’ that just happens to us, it can be useful to deconstruct it into its constituent components. If we do that it gives us specific things that we can tap on, and if we process the components we can dismantle the problem.

For example: if there is a person you really don’t like interacting with, you might go through the following sequence of feelings, thoughts and behaviours:

you hear her name (the trigger for the problem)
which prompts a picture in your mind’s eye of her scowling face
seeing this image causes you to feel bad
finally, feeling bad leads to you doing whatever you can to avoid interacting with her.

Every time you hear her name, you go through each of these steps. Each one is essential to the problem as a whole. If you remove any of the (internal) parts of the problem, then the problem won’t work. If there is no picture of her scowling face in your mind’s eye, you won’t get the bad feeling, if there is no bad feeling you won’t be propelled into avoidance.

The problem is like a little engine of suffering. Defusing one or more of the parts of the engine stops it from working.

Unpacking the problem (sometimes called modelling the problem), by creating a step by step understanding, will give you a way to disable the problem.

This process works well with problems that occur in a certain context: they have a beginning (caused by a trigger), a middle (the painful bit), and an end when the problem passes.

If your client comes to you with a problem, there are a couple of ways you can get into the mechanism to disable it.

You can use memory as a way to unpack the feeling part of the process (Tapping For Problems Who Aren’t There)

Another approach is to invite the client to ’teach’ you how to have the same problem.

Ask your client to tune into the problem, then ask: “If you were to take a day off from the problem, and I was to be your stand-in what would I need to do to have the problem just like you?” and “What would I have to see in my mind’s eye, think, imagine, remember, feel and do to get the same result?”

These are odd questions to ask about a problem, most people are used to thinking of their problems as something that happens to them rather than something they do. Of course, they are not trying to make their own lives miserable, these processes are usually unconscious and sometimes have deep roots.

Having a client teach you how to do the problem has a number of advantages:

it reframes the problem as something they do rather than something they have, and if it is something you do you can change what you do.
it suggests that it is something they can change because if they can take one day off from having it, then it might be possible to stop doing it altogether.
having them teach someone else helps them unpack the steps, which reinforces the idea of the problem as a process rather than a thing.
their description goes into more detail about the problem, and therefore gives more specific things to tap on.

Once you have identified the steps of the problem process, tapping on the steps in the process will help defuse the problem pattern.

An example: procrastination

If somebody tells you they procrastinate, it doesn’t immediately tell you how they procrastinate.

There are many kinds of procrastination (see Make The Abstract Concrete) including:

not being able to start
not being able to finish
starting well but running out of steam halfway through
etc

First, we need to find out how this particular person does procrastination.

Let’s imagine you have a client who starts well but can’t finish a project.

Ask them to remember a time when they experienced this problem. This makes it easier for them to tune into the problem and gives you a way to test your work at the end.

Once they have tuned into the problem situation, you could ask them: imagine you were going to take the day off from procrastinating and I had to be your stand in. What would I have to think, feel, remember, imagine, or do to have the same result as you?

Since it is an odd question, the client might give you a brief answer such as: “I look at what I have done, and then I tell myself it’s not good enough”

First you could repeat back to them to demonstrate that you heard what they said: “OK, so you look at what you have done, then tell yourself it’s not good enough.”

Then you could invite them to go more deeply into the problem, by asking them to run through the problem again to pick up anything they might have missed the first time through the sequence.

You could say: Run through it again, what else do you think, feel or do in this situation?

Now they might say “I look at what I have done, then I think about finishing it, then I feel bad, then I tell myself it’s not good enough, and I stop”.

Once more, you could repeat it back to your client to make sure you have identified everything in the process. In this case, you think this is a good description of the process they go through to stop themselves from completing the task.

Now you have to choose which part to work on. That could be obvious from how your client describes that part of the problem, if not, you could ask the client to run through the steps and decide which one is the most important part, or you could start with any ‘feeling’ steps in the process because tapping is good at changing feelings.

In this case, perhaps you could tap on the ‘bad feeling’ stage of the sequence.

When you have done that go back to the example memory of the problem and tune into it again, it should feel different.

As an extra test, you can ask them to imagine being in the same situation in the future and notice what happens. Either you will find some more to work on, or the client won’t be able to connect to the problem in the same way..

Process

Identify the problem
Ask the client to remember a time when this problem happened
Ask your client to teach you how to have the problem if you had to stand in for them if they took a day off from it.
Ask them what you would have to feel, think, imagine, remember or do to get the same experience as they do.
Repeat back to them your understanding of their ‘problem process’
Ask them to go through it again to see if there are any missing pieces (you may need to repeat this step).
Choose one of the components to tap on and process that part, defuse as many parts as you need to neutralise the problem process.
Go back to the original memory to see how it is different, or if there is more to do.

Note: it maybe that one of the thoughts or feelings leads you back to earlier experiences that need to be changed to resolve the thought and feeling.

Tip

If you are new to this way of working, pick one of your own problems and start mapping out on paper how the problem works. Use post-it notes to identify each step, which you can move around and add to.

When you have the steps, pick the one which seems to be most significant and tap on it.

When you have taken care of that, review the process and notice any differences. You may need to dismantle more than one piece to get the result you want.

When you disentangle your own unhelpful patterns, it will give you a more in-depth understanding of how this process works