Explore The Implications

On a good day, our clients tell us exactly what is going on with them in a way that makes it easy to tap.

They might say things like: “I’m so angry”, or “I feel lonely”, or “No one listens to me”

These are straightforward, clear descriptions of the felt experience of their problem, and they give us an easy place to start.

More often, our clients give us a mixture of straightforward descriptions of what is going on for them and hints about what might be going on that they might not even have noticed.

We can often miss or dismiss these hints and implications as less important than the straightforward descriptions, but I think being able to spot implications and unpack them can be a helpful skill for the practitioner.

The most common kinds of implication that I see are: comparatives, negatives, and wants / needs.

Comparatives

As you tap, the emotional state of the client changes. What was problematic becomes less problematic. If you are an EFTer the SUDs levels go down, for example from an 8 to 3. This change usually feels good to the client, what previously felt uncomfortable becomes much more bearable.

Grateful for the relief, the client will say something like “I feel less stressed” (compared to where I started). This is indeed progress, but they haven’t said “I feel no stress”. At this point, they may be happy with the change and want to move on to something else, however if you are a diligent tapper and want to clear up all the stress and distress your client is experiencing, you need to take it further.

If they feel less of something, then logically they must feel some.

It might be useful to find out what is left and process that so that the client can get the full benefit.

If the client says: “I feel more relaxed”, you could say “Great! So what’s left that’s not relaxed?” Or if the client says “I feel less stress”, you could ask “Great! So how much stress is left?” or just “Great! So, what’s left?”

Notice the structure of the question, “Great! So what’s left?”

The “Great!” is an acknowledgement that they have made progress, just before you ask “So, what’s left?” Just asking “So, what’s left?” might be interpreted by the client that they have failed to completely let go of whatever it is in just one round of tapping and that’s somehow a failure.

Many clients are sensitive to the idea that they fail, so acknowledging their success helps soften that anxiety. It’s probably better that your client experiences your session as one (small) success after another, rather than one failure after another.

Negatives

Sometimes clients will tell you what they do not feel, rather than what they do feel.

If a client says, “I don’t feel comfortable” they are telling you what they don’t feel, but not what they are feeling. Their statement implies there is another feeling present, which is not feeling comfortable, but it doesn’t tell you what it is, and you can only tap on things that are there.

Rather than trying to tap on what’s missing, it would probably be more useful to find out what they are thinking or feeling and tapping on that.

For example: if your client says, “I don’t feel comfortable”, you could say, “Ah, if you don’t feel comfortable what do you feel?” Or if they say “I don’t feel safe” you could say, “OK, so if you don’t feel safe what do you feel?”

Notice that once again the question starts with an acknowledgement of what they said in the form of “Ah”, or “OK”, before asking them to explore what they do feel or think.

It’s easy for us to think the answer to the question is obvious, if someone doesn’t feel comfortable, they must feel uncomfortable. You might be right, but they could also feel under pressure, exposed, shamed, or something else.

It’s better for us to ask to find out what is really going on, rather than make faulty assumptions about someone else’s inner world.

Wants and needs

When someone tells you what they want, they are telling you that there is something unsatisfactory in their experience. Why else would they want something different if everything is OK?

If someone wants to feel safe, they are experiencing something that isn’t safe. We can find out what they do have to by asking: “OK, if you want to feel safe, what is it that you are experiencing right now?”

Some other examples: “I need to be comforted”, you can say “OK, if you need to be comforted, then what is it that you are feeling right now?, or if they say “I need him to apologise for what he did?” you could say “OK, if you need him to apologise for what he did, then what are you feeling right now?”

Wants and needs are future oriented, we imagine getting what we want or need, therefore “what do you feel right now?” at the end of the question is to help bring them back into the present moment from that imagined future.

You may have noticed that in all the examples that I am using the clients’ words as closely as possible to respect their experience and then have them segue into what they might not be noticing.

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