In Praise Of Mentoring

What does mentoring / supervision mean to you?

Is it:

just a ’ticky box’ exercise to keep your trainer or organisation happy.
an unwelcome imposition that you don’t have the time or money for.
something you don’t need because you know everything you need to know.
a threat to be avoided because you might get found out, judged or challenged.
a welcome chance to share, learn and be supported in the work that you do.

Being a tapping practitioner is hard

Being a practitioner is a lonely business; it’s just you and your client, trying to do the best you can in the moment with whatever the client brings.

As well as the issue you are working on, there is also all the human stuff that is going on just beneath the surface: how you feel about what you are doing, what is being triggered in you by your client, and how you may be triggering your client.

As if that were not enough, sometimes your client will present you with issues that you have no idea how to handle. You do the best you can with the skills you have, but you know it could have been much better.

Finally, you may have to navigate ethical problems or need to manage issues of risk with your client.

All of this is going on right now in real time, and you don’t have much time to reflect on it or have a different perspective than your own; it’s hard to read the label when you are inside the jar!

For all these reasons, practitioners need mentoring so they can have the help and support they need to do an even better job.

Good mentoring

Ideally, a mentor will be accepting, supportive and experienced. They know how hard this work can be, and they understand the challenges because they have been through those kinds of challenges themselves. A good mentor will acknowledge your struggles and seek to collaborate with you as an informed colleague.

Mentoring gives you a chance to explain your challenges and questions to someone who understands. It allows you an accepting space to explore the implications of those challenges and possible ways of addressing them.

In mentoring sessions, you can get help on practical issues such as:

what do I do with a client who …
how to handle this specific problem
how to structure an intake process
etc.

Mentoring can also help you with ethical issues such as:

what to do if you start falling in love with your client, or start to loathe them.
what if my client wants to be my friend?
what do I need to do if my client has disclosed abuse?

In short, mentoring can help you keep your balance, build your skills and confidence, and give you a broader perspective on this challenging work.

Types of mentoring

In one-to-one mentoring, you get the undivided attention of a mentor which allows you to go into more detail with the challenges you are bringing.

It allows a more thorough exploration of the pitfalls and possibilities of what you are working on.

It also makes it easier to be more open because you don’t need to worry what other people in a mentoring group session might think of you.

In group mentoring sessions, you can share your experiences with other people who may be working with similar challenges. Knowing that you are not the only one dealing with this can come as a great relief. In a group session, you get encouragement, different suggestions and ideas from the other participants, as well as from the mentor

If you are an inexperienced practitioner, a group gives you an opportunity to learn, if you are an experienced practitioner it gives you an opportunity to share your hard-earned wisdom and experience.

The problem of vulnerability

Everyone wants to be a good practitioner. We all would like to look professional, competent and skilful. We want to be doing well financially and respected by our trainers, mentors and peers.

Unfortunately, being a practitioner isn’t always plain sailing.

Sometimes things don’t go well. We are only human, and we do make mistakes, stumbling over our inexperience and blind-spots (this happens even if you are experienced.)

It’s difficult to deal with the problems ourselves because we don’t usually enjoy examining our ‘failures’, and we really don’t want other people to see our ‘failures’.

Unfortunately, to get the help we need, we have to expose our vulnerability and mistakes.

In a one-to-one mentoring situation that is difficult, but if you have a good mentor they will be as kind, straightforward and helpful to you as they would be to their clients.

Mentors are just as human as you are, but there are two traits that are not helpful, the first is obvious, the second less so.

You can do no right: this is the mentor that finds faults, criticises or condemns you. Mentoring is not intended to be a punishment. If your mentor is like this, find a better one.
You can do no wrong: this is the mentor who supports and praises you whatever you have done, they won’t, or can’t, challenge mistakes and hold you to account. Some problems can’t be solved just by good vibes alone. If your mentor is like this, find a better one, even though it might be hard leaving the praise behind.

The ideal mentor will be kind and supportive while you work through the challenges on hand, but they will be able to challenge you and hold you to account if necessary.

Vulnerability in group mentoring sessions

In a group mentoring situation, the problem of vulnerability can be magnified: no one wants to look stupid among their peers, and there is a lot of social pressure and expectation to have everything under control. Openly discussing a difficult client or mistakes you may have made under such circumstances can be very challenging.

However, if you have confidence in your mentor to keep you safe in the mentoring session, and you are comfortable and trusting with all the other mentees, it may be possible to broach difficult topics in a safe space.

This is risky, but it can be hugely beneficial to yourself and the rest of the group because once it is clear that human vulnerability is allowed and treated with kindness and skill it can be quite liberating for other members of the group not to have to pretend to be perfect. Trust and learning can be deepened.

Of course, if you are not sure, it is better to discuss your problem with your mentor on a one-to-one basis.

It’s OK to change mentors

Remember, you are not chained to any particular mentor, if you are not getting what you need from one mentor it is perfectly alright to look around for someone who is better suited to your needs.

There is a lot of value in experiencing different mentors in any case, nobody knows everything, and there are many ways to get good results.

Still not sure of the value of mentoring?

If you are still debating whether mentoring is a good idea or not, these points may help you decide.

Don’t go for mentoring if you’d like to:

feel alone and unsupported in your difficult work
keep making the same mistakes
struggling with the same client issues
lose clients and your credibility
get into ethical problems you could have avoided
keep fooling yourself that you are doing a good job all by yourself.

Do go in for mentoring if you like to:

feel supported and part of a wider community of practitioners
learn how to serve your clients to the best of your ability
develop your skills and confidence
avoid practical and ethical problems
keep clients and develop your credibility as a skilled practitioner.

I hope I’ve made a good case for the value of mentoring (whether you want to do your mentoring with me, or not).

P.S. I’ve been tapping for more than 20 years and I still get a lot out of both providing and receiving mentoring / supervision.