Preemptive Hindsight

How many of us have made a decision that we later regretted?

It’s hard to make good decisions, maybe we don’t think things through, or our emotional state at that moment compels us to make decisions we later regret.

How we feel at the moment of decision may not be a good way to decide.

Sometimes our clients need to make difficult decisions, but they can’t bring themselves to decide.

Perhaps they:

Need to stay in their job, or they want to leave it.
They want to leave their relationship, or try to find a way to stay in it.
They would like to stand up for themselves, or perhaps it is better to go along with what is expected of them.

These kinds of decisions are difficult, but they are the client’s decisions to make, not ours. Some people would like someone else to take responsibility and tell them what to do, don’t be that person.

What the client does is their responsibility, they have to take responsibility for what they decide to do now and what they do later. They need to be able to figure stuff out for themselves.

How do you know when you have made a bad decision?

You know because you can look back at what you decided and everything that followed that decision; 20:20 hindsight is a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, real hindsight only comes after time passes so we can look back at what happened.

While our clients don’t yet have access to real hindsight, we can create an ‘imaginary hindsight’ which gives our clients the chance to check out the possible alternative futures that may come after their decision.

As humans, we are good at imagining a future.

We can do this in a good way when we imagine the delights of our upcoming holiday, or in a bad way by imagining all the horrible ways things could go wrong on that same holiday.

This capacity for imagining different futures, and ’living’ in them, gives us a way to try on decisions on for size before we make them.

We can access ‘imaginary’ hindsight for our decisions to help us make better decisions.

The ‘Preemptive Hindsight’ process gives us a way to have the client ’experience’ the consequences of their decisions in a carefully structured way that lets people consider in detail the possible consequences of their decisions.

For example, if someone decides to leave a long-term relationship that no longer works, the initial stages of separation will probably be quite painful and the benefits of the decision may only occur after some time. There is no way to avoid the pain of separation, you have to go through it. So it is valuable for the client to be aware of the immediate costs of the decision as well as the benefits of a happier life down the line.

The ‘Preemptive Hindsight’ process takes the client through both decisions, the immediate aftermath, the changes that would occur over time and what they would have to do to adjust to this new reality. This will give them a rich imagined experience that will help them make a better decision right now.

The Preemptive Hindsight Process

If your client is struggling to decide between two (or more) options, let them know there is a way they can try on each option for size to help them make the decision.

Ask your client to imagine deciding on ‘Option A’ (for example: leaving the relationship), then ask them the following questions in order, pausing between each question to give the client enough time to consider them. (Ask them to let you know when they are ready to proceed to the next question):

What would it be like tomorrow after you have taken option A, what do you notice?
What would it be like one week after taking that decision, what do you notice?
What would that be like one month after taking that decision, what do you notice?
What would that be like 6 months after taking that decision, what do you notice?
What would that be like 1 year after taking that decision, what do you notice?
What would it be like 5 years after taking that decision, what do you notice?
If you look back at your decision from this place, what would be different in your life?

They don’t have to tell you what is going on if they don’t want to. Letting people do this silently allows them to explore their experience in greater depth.

Invite your client to come back to the present moment, leaving that particular future behind.

Now ask them to imagine choosing ‘Option B’ (for example: staying in the relationship), then ask them the following questions in order, giving them time to process each one:

What would it be like tomorrow after you have taken option B, what do you notice?
What would it be like one week after taking that decision, what do you notice?
What would that be like one month after taking that decision, what do you notice?
What would that be like 6 months after taking that decision, what do you notice?
What would that be like 1 year after taking that decision, what do you notice?
What would it be like 5 years after taking that decision, what do you notice?
If you look back at your decision from this place, what would be different in your life?

Invite them to leave that potential future behind and come back to the present moment.

Ask them how they think and feel about the decision now.

Tips

The client doesn’t need to answer the questions out loud, I suggest that they don’t because they tend to process more deeply and more quickly without interrupting the process.
If the client does want to comment, listen and acknowledge, but try not to get involved in their process.
Don’t rush them, give them all the time they need to explore their future.
Sometimes there will only seem to be one option. Shall I do ‘X’ or not? This looks like just one option, however deciding not to do something is still a decision, so it is still worth exploring the future of ’not doing X’ to see how that plays out over time.
Unless the decision will have dangerous consequences, do not express an opinion. If the decision gives you cause for concern for their, or someone else’s, safety you need to get this person a different kind of help.

Advantages Of This Process

You and your client don’t need to do a lot of explaining and discussing the pros and cons of their decision. If they ‘make the decision’ in their imagination, the pros and cons of that decision will present themselves to the client any way.
Your client may discover aspects of their decisions that they would not have been aware of if they had just talked about the decision.
This process keeps you out of their decision-making process because it all goes on in the privacy of their own mind.
The structure of the process forces people to consider each stage of the process from where they are now to where they want to get to. This will help them come to a more balanced decision.

Also, you could try this process out for yourself if you have difficult decisions coming up.