The Feelgood Factor Might Not Be So Good

When I started tapping and for a long time afterwards, I felt that I should always leave the client feeling happy at the end of the session. If they left with a smile, that was proof of a job well done.

This illusion was smashed by the therapist Andy Austin, who pointed out that a happy client at the end of a session is not evidence of a productive session. The point of a session is for the client to makes changes in the way they think, feel and behave in the world outside the session. After all, our clients live more than 99% of their lives outside our sessions, and that’s where the change needs to happen.

He also pointed out that you could probably cheer up someone in the UK by giving them a cup of tea and a digestive biscuit (cookie), but that wasn’t the same as making a lasting change.

Unfortunately, change is often uncomfortable. We find ourselves outside our (uncomfortable) comfort zone as we learn to adapt to new ways of being. For our clients this discomfort can occur both during and after the session. You can read more about this in Why does therapy sometimes feel worse than the problem it is supposed to help

If feeling good isn’t a good way to evaluate a session, what would be better?

The best evaluation comes from the client as they describe what has changed in how they think, feel and behave in your next session (it might take several sessions before these changes become obvious to the client).

Not chasing the happy ending doesn’t mean that you should aim to make your clients feel unhappy. Of course, you should help them feel emotionally regulated before they leave the session, but if things are shifting, they may not feel delighted in that moment.

It’s worth reassuring them that change can feel uncomfortable and that is entirely normal, and appropriate tapping homework can help them with the ‘symptoms’ of change.

If they make changes and feel happy at the end of a session, that’s a bonus.

On reflection, one of the reasons I started my tapping career determined to make people feel happy by the end of a session was the belief that I was responsible for how my clients felt. So naturally, I wanted them to feel good, if they felt bad, then it was my fault somehow.

It took me a while to realise this was driving my behaviour and goals in sessions, it also took quite a bit of tapping to change that belief, but it was well worth the effort. Now, I believe I am responsible for what I say and do in a session (which affect the client), but the client is responsible for their feelings and actions. In my opinion, this is a much more useful stance.

So, if you believe that you are responsible for how your client feels, I encourage you to work on those beliefs. Being responsible for everyone else’s feelings can be a millstone round your neck.

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